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This got me always really afraid. I also turned more inward in puberty and became quite shy, having lots of hidden fantasies. I would sit a lot behing my laptop watching oral sex videos. I never really knew where it came from. I always had it. I always felt that have vaginal sex felt strange to me. As if that should be for loving only and that oral sex is more lust.When I was 15 orso I bought a dildo and this might sounds weird. I never used it on my pussy. Never even in the years later. It just doesn’t feel right. I wanted to feel how it would be to suck a man and masturbate. Every morning and evening I would put the dildo in my mouth and play with myself until I reached an orgasm. I would practice going deeper in my throat enjoying the gagging feeling and masturbate. I would imagine myself being in front of a man. I would sit on my knees and masturbate like that. Sometimes watching movies on my laptop on the same time. Always hoping in school that somebody would see me and pick me. What I like is how juicy I feel down there. I think that's kind of sexy."I really hadn't paid attention to how I felt down there, other than the occasionally annoying feeling of come dripping on my legs. That's one of those things that happen at a party like this—I'd heard some of the older women comment about that, too—and there was no good solution to it, unless we used condoms. A few girls did from time to time, and anyone who took it in the bottom used one. It would make clean-up a little easier, but that was about all, at least in my opinion.Somebody suggested we try an entire party with condoms, and we did. Sure used a lot of them, too. The box someone brought held 50, and they were all gone by the end of the evening. We tossed them in this container, and the thing was more than half-full, a gooey mess of latex and come that nobody wanted to deal with."It made the boys last logger," Rosemary said. She was a girl from the Mississippi side of the line, a girl with a combination.
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